the Mom-Stuff Community

A Mom’s Identity Crisis

the mom-team — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 16:33:48 +0000

We spend our lives reinventing ourselves. As a baby, you first learn your name. When you’re a child you identify yourself as “Daughter”, “Sister”, “Student” and “Friend”. As a young adult your beliefs and your occupations lead the way in helping you develop a sense of self – “Christian”, “Graphic Designer”, “Republican”, “Volunteer”. Getting married gives you the biggest identity change yet – “Wife”. It’s such a radical shift that most women change their name, the name you were born with that first defined you. With this new phase, come expectations from yourself and your spouse as to how you will develop into this role. It was a very difficult time for me. I struggled with how to incorporate the elements from my parents’ marriage that I wanted to emulate with the contrast of my reality as well as what I imagined my husband expected from me. I finally got a good grasp of that piece of my life when the next identity change happened – becoming a mother. And talk about a transformation!

I LOVE being a mom. It’s the most incredible blessing – full of joy, fear, wonder, frustration. It’s made me a better wife, a better worker (ok, except when I’ve been sleep deprived), a better person in general. It has truly changed my identity. My lifestyle changed quite a bit when I got married, but it is much different now. I used to go to happy hour, work late, sleep in on the weekends, take spontaneous trips out of town. When we had our first daughter, I initially felt a little nostalgic when friends would make last minute plans to go to dinner and I would have to decline, but as time went on, it bothered me less. It’s not like I wasn’t still doing fun things without my family (heaven knows I need to have some time away to regroup and replenish), I just had to plan for them, and I didn’t do them as often. And that was perfectly fine. I would reminisce with friends about our crazy single days and I thought of them with fond memories, but that was all.

Then last week, a friend who had been in Mexico two years with the Peace Corps returned home. Plans were made for a night out on the town to welcome him home. The plan was to go on newly available hop-on-hop-off trolley pub crawl around the city. My wonderful husband agreed to stay home with the girls so I could have a night of fun. I was excited to go, but also aware that I wouldn’t really be able to fully enjoy the benefits of this activity since the negatives of doing so far outweighed the positives. If I chose to stay out as late as the trolley ran, I would still have to get up at 6:30am since sleeping in is no longer possible. And while being hungover was never fun, doing so with small children would be torture. Also, I wanted to be home to put the babies to bed so I wouldn’t be able to meet up with everyone at the beginning. These alterations are typical for outings with my single friends, and I never think twice about it.

But Friday night, I was talking with some of the people who were going out on Saturday night, and the strangest thing happened. This group of friends has evolved over the years as people have moved or married or stopped hanging out for some reason and others have been absorbed into the fold. We were going over the details for Saturday, and I said, “Mama Jenn needs a night off. Party Jenn will be there!” One of the girls said, “Wow, I don’t think I’ve met Party Jenn!” I laughed and realized that was probably true. She’d only been a part of the group for a short time….probably around 2004-ish…wait a minute… that’s SIX YEARS. Has Party Jenn really been gone for six whole years?!?!? I was surprised how much this affected me. I was really upset. I started thinking of my single years with more than just a fond remembrance but as a deep loss, as if those were my glory days and the best years of my life had passed. I was determined to show her how fun I could be, consequences be damned.

Saturday night, I went out and truly intended to be home at a reasonable time after a reasonable amount of drinking, but one thing lead to another, and suddenly I realized I’d had too much to drink and would have to stay out longer to sober up so I could drive home. I had a great time seeing friends I hadn’t seen in a long time, catching up, and sharing crazy stories with the newer members of the group. I got home at 3:30am – yikes! Three hours later when my girls woke up, I was so excited to see them that I was not nearly as tired as I should have been. And I realized that those single days were fun, but snuggling with my babies early in the morning was just as much fun, and I didn’t miss going out nearly as much as I miss them when I’m away. Though Party Jenn still exists and will always be part of me, Mama Jenn is in the forefront now, and I’m so thankful to be at this point in my life.

by Jennifer Barr of “Midwest ‘Mom’ments”

Original post http://www.mamapedia.com/voices/identity-crisis?fbc1=1

Help Your Child Learn Empathy

the mom-team — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 17:11:18 +0000

This is the perfect time to share this poem with your kids as they go back to school.

Somewhere out there is Laura. I don’t know anything about her except that she wrote this poignant poem titled “I Am”. The poem has been used in anti bullying campaigns around the world, and today I’d like to share it with you.

I AM

I am the person you bullied in school
I am the one who didn’t know how to be cool
I am the person you alienated
I am the person you ridiculed and hated

I am the person who sat on their own
I am the person who walked home alone
I am the person you scared every day
I am the person who had nothing to say

I am the person with hurt in their eyes
I am the person you never saw cry
I am the person living alone with their fears
I am the person destroyed by their peers

I am the person who drowned in your scorn
I am the person who wished they hadn’t been born
I am the person whose name you don’t know
I am the person who just can’t let go

I am the person destroyed for ‘fun’
I am the person, but not the only one
I am the person who had feelings too
..and I am a person, JUST LIKE YOU!!!

This poem evokes immense empathy by the preponderance of those who read it. The dictionary defines empathy as “understanding” or “a deep emotional understanding of another’s feelings or problems”. Having researched the value of emotional and social intelligence (ESI) skills in our youth, I can tell you that development of empathy as a key competency renders positive results for personal satisfaction and healthy relationships. Though some believe that empathy is innate, I’m with the majority and believe that empathy can, and should be, taught to children at the earliest cognitive opportunity. I envision empathy as a tool for carving out a kinder world in which there is diminished bullying and a population of children that is happier to the core. Reading this poem with your kids and creating dialogue of what it must be like to be a bullied person is one approach to create awareness and fruitful action, but we need more.

Please contribute to our comments section and share your positive ideas or rewarding personal stories on how we, as a community can increase empathy to decrease bullying of any kind. Then, consider sharing the article with anyone and everyone you know who can make a difference at home and beyond. Ask them to participate too. It does take a village!

This post is from Keyuri Joshi the On the Ball Parenting Coach

.http://www.ontheballparent.com/blog/2010/08/24/how-parenting-with-emotional-intelligence-can-weaken-bullying/ Visit here web site for more great help on parenting, and to share your positive ideas.

Snarky Mom’s Group

the mom-team — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 18:10:40 +0000

There is new group at Mom Bloggers Club. For mama’s who aren’t afraid to say it like it is. Looking for funny, sarcastic blogs after all it isn’t always sunshine & roses and there is nothing better than having a good laugh at yourself! Snarky Mom’s Group is positivity hilarious. You moms need to check it out. It was created by Rachel Kargas. If you are a member of MBC come and join. If you are not a member it is easy to join. I really love this group. The moms have some great posts. Motherhood is very rewarding but there are times when it is more then you can handle. These mom put it in to perspective and make you laugh. It is good to know that you are not the only mom that some times feels overwhelmed.

Mom Bloggers, Why Do You Have Followers?

the mom-team — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 17:25:16 +0000

It’s puzzling to mom bloggers why people read their blogs.

But face it. Someone’s reading it. Someone is following you. I am one of your followers.

Why do watch for a new-post, or pop my head in my RSS Reader to check and see what is new on your blog?

It’s not that your blog is super relevant to my life. Maybe yes, maybe not at all.

I’m might be learning from your blog. I might see you as a teacher. I might find you entertaining. All though I appreciate these things, it’s not why I read you.

This is way I follow you and probably why others follow you, too.

I’m looking at how you’re living your life, and I’m thinking about how to improve my own life.

I love your attitude. I’m working on becoming that person I want to be.

Watching you do your best helps me do my best.

You’re a real living human being, walking your talk, being that person you’re telling me about, you, inspires me. Yes I identify with you or your vision, somehow.

But the reason I’m your peep is a combination of factors that nobody can precisely identify – so don’t even try. Just keep blogging.

You could change your topic overnight, but as long as you are still writing with heartfelt integrity, I’d be there waiting for you to hit “publish.”

Thanks to all of my mom blogger friends. You inspire me. You entertain me. You all add to my life in a positive way.

Blog Tour for Romance Novel, Wind Warriors

the mom-team — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 15:21:02 +0000

I have some great news to share with you! Come September, I will be participating in a huge blog tour put on by Cynthia Roberts, author of the upcoming romance novel Wind Warrior!

There are some pretty exciting prizes for everyone involved – Cynthia is giving away $600 dollars worth of wonderful items! YOU could win one of five fabulous prizes! There will be something romantic, something succulent, something exquisite, and two others that will offer you lots of choices… Curious? Check out what you could win on the official blog tour giveaway website, here! You can also learn more about how this giveaway will operate.

Mom-stuff.com has a new romance article written by Cynthia. It is Romance 101. We are so excited to have her professional words of wisdom on Mom-stuff.com.

I’m looking forward to being a part of this great blog tour, and I hope you will come and join us!

Words of Wisdom from a Mom of Multiples

the mom-team — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 18:54:20 +0000

Today I found this great post at Multiplemama. I laughed out loud so I just had to share it. Thank you, Andie for your wonderful talent to share the humor of motherhood. She is such a great Mom Blogger.

You can buy all the books like What to Expect when you’re Expecting, Sleep Training for Dummies, and How to have a Zen Baby. But when it comes down to it and that little baby is in your arms you learn a few things your mother and all those books never even mentioned. Most especially your mother because she had her career as a grandmother at stake.

1) Your abdominal muscles are not going to forgive you anytime soon.
Recovery time after being stretched like a Gumby doll is going to be at least twice as long as the time it took to grow that baby. And exponentially longer if you had more than one in there at a time. But, they most likely will not ever look the same.

2) Breast feeding can give you stretch marks on your boobs. Which by the way are not going to ever be half as perky as they were before. But no matter because they are now more commonly thought of as a snack bar, and all cuteness is pretty much out of the question.

3) You thought granny panties were big, wait til you see the ones they give you to wear in the hospital after delivery.

4) Motherhood causes one to refer to oneself in the third person.
And no not by the name your parents gave you but, “Mommy.” “Mommy said no.” Will become your go to phrase for quite some time.

5) But not to worry. Because even when the kid is older you will be, “so and so’s mommy.” So you can practically forget using your real first name and not even notice it’s gone.

6) There are teams to be chosen. Breastfeeding vs. Formula, CIO vs. Attachment, Homeschool vs. traditional school, mom jeans vs. still trying to be a teenager jeans, green organic mommy vs. diet coke and fries mommy, and the list goes on so choose wisely and carefully the members of these teams mean business.

7) Laundry is now the driving force behind your sanity. And don’t be fooled that little seven pound bundle of joy can produce his own weight in dirty laundry by the hour!

8 ) The more kids you have the harder it is to carry on a conversation with friends who do not have kids. This boils down to one factor. Eye contact. Before you had kids you could afford to have eye contact with whomever you were speaking to. Now you must keep your eyes on the wandering children and keep tabs at all times on locations and activities. People without children will stop talking when you look away and never be able to complete a sentence let alone the conversation.

9) Yes, it does get easier. People will tell you that a lot. But, not let on to the fact that the minute it gets easier they get mobile. So, while that little guy may be able to feed himself his own breakfast now. He can also tun through the halls screaming after tearing off his own diaper.

10) It is even more fun than you thought it was going to be. But, you have got to be fast if you’re gonna keep up so wear some comfortable shoes!

Go and visit Andie at Multiple Mama and make comments. Let her know how much you appreciate her blog.

We’ve Come A Long Way, Baby

the mom-team — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 16:24:01 +0000

Today, the Women voters are celebrating the 90th anniversary of the ratification of the 19th Amendment which guaranteeing women the right to vote in United States. The Montana Secretary of State Linda McCulloch and Wichita-Metro Chapter of the League of Women voters (LWV) organize the event on the Capitol steps in Helena. This is a series of events which starting this month and continues through spring 2011.

The 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified on August 18, 1920. Montana allowed women to vote six years prior to that. Way to go, Montana!

“Women are a force in life. A factor which must be considered in all problems. Nearly a century later Montana women continue to be a force in life. We continue to labor and care for our communities, our schools, our environment, and our people,” McCulloch told the crowd.
In 1869, Wyoming became the first territory to grant women the vote. Utah, Colorado, and Idaho followed—many saw this as a way to attract women to the new territories—but other regions of the country were harder to persuade.

The Events Beginning at 7pm August 20, 2010 and the public is invited to Wichita State University’s Hughes Metropolitan Complex at 29th North and Oliver to listen to a panel of women discuss women’s issues. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. Karen DeCrow will be featured speaker at Friday’s celebration marking the League of Women Voters’ 90th anniversary.

Woman have come a long way in the last 90 years. Lets celebrate, girls

New Facebook Fan Page for Moms

the mom-team — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 19:57:55 +0000

Mom-Stuff as started two NEW pages on facebook

One is for all things of interest to moms Mom Stuff

The other is for mom products, reviews and give a ways Mom-Stuff Products

Come and JOIN or I should say LIKE.

If you have a blog that moms would be interested LIKE and your facebook posts will reach MORE moms.

If you are a mom and want to keep up on the latest things for moms this is the place to be.

These pages are to help to promote moms they are not to be confused with my website page and my blog page if you want to like them here are the links. These to pages will not show your posts. They are to keep you up to date on my activities.

Mom-Stuff Website

Mom-Stuff Community

5 Parenting Pointers about Kids and Movie Ratings

the mom-team — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 19:14:18 +0000

Last weekend I was surfing through some of the free movie channels that my satellite company was trying to woo me with. I stumbled onto the 2008 movie The Love Guru and watched for about 10 minutes only to find my jaw pasted to the floor in mortified disbelief. This MPAA rated PG-13 movie was nowhere near appropriate for a 13 year old. It had extreme sexual innuendo, profanity, and a boy who says “I want to be a guru so girls will like me and then I will like myself”. Really? In addition to finding themselves a shade of crimson, most adults I know would find such content highly inappropriate for impressionable teens and younger siblings who are often grandfathered in to a movie. I’m not going to write about what I saw, because my mother will be reading this blog and I don’t want to offend her or, for that matter, you, dear reader! (Later, I’ll give you a website recommendation that you can use if you choose to read about Love Guru on your own.)

What if your child was invited to see this movie and you assumed it would be acceptable just because of the PG 13 rating? How do you know that the movies your children are viewing are appropriate to your value system as opposed to the fiscally motivated values of Hollywood Producer or a robotic MPAA rating panel?

Here are 5 suggestions to help parents stay a step ahead of Hollywood and kids who say “all my friends are seeing the movie… why can’t I?”

1. Read Movie Rating Guides: There are two excellent website resources that parents can use to assess movies before granting permission for kids to view them. www.kidsinmind.com breaks movie ratings down into three areas, sexuality / nudity, violence, and profanity. The site purveyor scores each of the three sections on a 1 to 10 scale. The sexuality / nudity rating for The Love Guru is 7 even though it is rated PG-13. Kids-in-Mind also provides a written synopsis of exactly what your kids will see in various scenes. As a parent you can read through these scenes and decide what is acceptable and what is not. Another excellent resource is www.commonsensemedia.orgwith ratings and guidance beyond just movies.

2. Consider Your Child’s Developmental Age: Development is made up of physical, cognitive, emotional and social growth. A child’s brain grows thousands of new neural connections every day and is an organ that changes in response to its experiences. In other words, what goes in will eventually be expressed! If it experiences repeated violence, then sensitization to that violence and increased aggression have been shown to take place. Studies also show that sexual identity issues can occur due to repeated exposure to promiscuity (for more information see the Parents Television Council website). Why would we expose our children’s brains to violence and promiscuity when that brain is not mature enough to process them?

3. Know who is Accompanying Your Child: A mature adult who accompanies a child to a movie has an opportunity to create dialogue and educate a child on what the movie messages were. Both positive and negative learning points can be discussed. On the other hand, teenage peers who are left to their own devices may misinterpret or even exploit movie content. If you don’t want to “embarrass” your teen by accompanying them to a movie, then read the discussion points area in the Kids In Mind review and be prepared to create dialogue with your kids.

4. Know where the Movie Venue is: When I stumbled onto The Love Guru, I was in my own home perusing channels including HBO and Cinemax. If you have these types of channels in your home, you may consider blocking them from less mature eyes. If your kids are at their friend’s homes, try to find out ahead of time what types of TV or movies they’ll be watching. Ask other parents about supervision and channel blocking. It does take a village!

5. Be a Firm and Consistent Parent: One of my favorite quotes is “If You Don’t Stand for Something, You Will Fall for Anything.” Keep it in mind as you use the above criteria to set movie guidelines for your children. Stay consistent and stubbornly refuse to let anyone sway you from your ideals. Kids will say “but all my friends are going”, and other parents might say “it’s no harm… our kids are good kids… they’ll be okay”. You might consider sharing the mentioned websites with them and alerting them to the potential perils of certain movies. Not only will you be protecting your child, you will set an example that you are a force to be reckoned with. MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!

Reader comments are cherished. Please share additional information that helps parents to protect kids from violent and promiscuous content. It does take a village!

Keyuri Joshi RN, MSN, is a Certified Parenting and Emotional Intelligence Coach. A “personal trainer” for parents, Keyuri assists moms or dads build and use a toolbox to achieve any goals they desire. She also teaches parents to build emotional and social intelligence skills in children. These are research proven “must have” skills which schools do not teach. Keyuri offers all parents a complimentary consultation and can be reached through her website, www.ontheballparent.com

Original post at http://www.ontheballparent.com/blog/2010/08/17/5-parenting-pointers-about-kids-and-movie-ratings/#more-217

How to Make Hair Bows

the mom-team — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 21:39:52 +0000

You ask for instructions and inspiration. Here it is. If you have ever wanted to learn how to make hair bows for your daughters hair this is the articles for you. Visit Make Your Own Hair Bows at Mom-Stuff.com.